obsessive compulsive disorder

i heard about OCD once after watch a movie (cant remember which movie) . the movie is about a woman who suffered from an obsessive compulsive disorder. she has kids and always concerns with germs. she would clean her house until she satisfies and she keeps repeating over and over again. now my turn to ask..do i hv OCD?

i think m not tht serious. mayb a mild of OCD. my routine as usual. ill check the main door is locked before going to sleep. ill check it at least 4 times. when i am certain that it is locked then ill go to sleep. before sleep.ill make sure there are nothing uncommon under my pillow.same as it is. then i go to sleep with a rested mind. if i am at home. similar thing i would do. after switch off the tv. i will unplug anything tht i think might cause fire to start. this happen one day when i switched off the main power. everything in the fridge cant be use anymore ( so clever!!) . i will ensure my car locked though i press the remote to lock it. ill check it until i am sure tht it is locked. see!!!

if i wash clothes ill make sure that white clothes are separated, or i will wash it myself without using washing machine until i satisfied. white clothes only. see (again).

dont ask me to take care of ur belongings. i will obsessively care for it. this is due to the fact of an unfounded fears tht people might think towards me that i am failed to do the task.

so. am i considered one of the people who suffer from OCD??? can anyone answer me?? huu...any doctor here? huhu

when the rain begins to fall I'll be the sunshine in your life~

Like the sand can seep right through your fingers so can all your days

As those days go by you'll have me there to help you find the way.

The way I feel with you I know it's got to last forever.

And when the rain begins to fall

you'll ride my rainbow in the sky

And I will catch you if you fall

you'll never have to ask me why.

Time goes by so fast

You've got to have a dream

To just hold on.

All my dreams of love began

With the reality of you.

You and I believe

That all our dreams will last forever.

And when the rain begins to fall

you'll ride my rainbow in the sky

And I will catch you if you fall

you'll never have to ask me why.

Though the sun may hide

We still can see

The light that shines for you and me

We'll be together all that we can be.

And when the rain begins to fall

you'll ride my rainbow in the sky

And I will catch you if you fall

you'll never have to ask me why.

And when the rain begins to fall I'll be the sunshine in your life

You know that we can have it all and everything will be alright.

Jermaine Jackson

love,

waniey

i have to reach the star that i always wanted

THANK YOU....!!

" i want to have my master degree!!!!" shout out loud!

lately the word " QUIT" always appeared in my mind..too much and m tired. i cant go on anymore and with the result i got i cant even breathe! they keep pushing me towards wut should i achieve in my life. i noe they put their highest expectation on me. and m scared that i will dissapointed them in another way. i cant stop walking! no matter what. i must keep goin to the way tht i chose . to the lights and to where my foot gonna take me. tough m tired.thirsty or even broke......! i have to! i have no choice. im completely distress!

i work for my school tht make me think that m special as compared to others. no reason for me to quit as early as the beginning. Success is measure to how many times you fall. is not like you hv a good time for the entire life. yes! i found my tone! my colour! and i hold onto it and keep praying for streghtness fromAllah. May His blessing will be upon me always. InsyaAllah.

im sorry for my rudeness, for the slip of my tongue. and for everything. things turn to be blurred away.. and m sorry again =( my bad.

i cant quit now. help me to walk.guide me. and coach me. i cant make this happen w/out support from whom i love =(

i do not need a reason to be angry with you!

sorry is not enough to repay ur guilty.

but is ok.time heals all wounds.

i do whatever it takes to forgive you.

cause i have no reason to be angry with you.

m sorry.my heart closed.no room for you.

i've locked it long time ago.

and i forgot where i put the key.

and m sorry for not being good while this time.

because im tired of taking care of your heart

and m not a good carekater

i gave my heart once

you broke it

stomp on it

pieces by pieces i mend it

to get it back to where it belong

to give it to someone who can take care of it

and someone is not you

am sorry for being rude

but i think you deserve it

Nota Hati~

Andai dia pergi dariku, ku bisikan ke dalam hatiku yang paling dalam.dia bukan milikku. dan aku pun bukan miliknya. Al Malik Pemilik haqiqi.kita hanya amanah.sampai masa terpaksa diserah.Jangan ada rasa dimiliki dan jangan ada rasa memiliki. Bila terasa sepi, jangan katakan aku sepi, tapi katakan padaku sentiasa ada Pemerhati.aku tidak sepi." ana abdullahi walan yudhi'ani"

p/s Andai dia bukan milikku~

Nota Hati~

" mimpi cek smlm..suma ok ka?"

"ok ja, ayah mimpi apa? 2 msti rinduuuu 2..hehe"

" mimpi cek mai kt ayah, betoi neh suma ok?"

"OK, maintain lgi...jus exam smlm xleh buat...huuu"

" byk2 buat smayang sunat..tenang hati...smayang jgn tinggai...ayah jauh...cek kena jaga diri sendiri lah...dah besaq pon..takan nk kena peringat ari2 kot?"

p/s last ayat ayah 2 buat ak tecengang kejap...sbb kdg2 tertinggal pon solat yg 5 waktu 2...busy sgtt lah..! cmna nk buat solat2 sunat? Ya Allah...patut lah hati xtenang...hmmmm

YA ALLAH

YA ALLAH ujian apakah yang KAU berikan kepadaku?
sungguh sukar untu aku lalui
KIFARAH DOSA?
sesungguhnya AKU HAMBA YG HINA

Nota Hati~

" bukak hati 2....."


apakah ia satu petanda? buatku?

" dia sng2 je boleh ade org laen, xgune nk sedey lg pasal dia, xdpt ape pon.......tlgglah bukak hati 2..."

kawan2 marah sbb ak masih lg bodoh

to kawan2 --- m not tht stupid... i believe tht what goes around comes around..AND

BUKA PINTU HATI.....yes BUKA PINTU HATI =)

Endodontics

so....mulanya started during iftar one fine day....i ate chicken when i first noticed my teeth cracked....i got my teeth filled 10 yrs ago ( as i remembered)...sakitnya YA ALLAH....then after tht i feel pain when eating food and even sharp pain when pressing my teeth together....then the pain get worse... so i went to dentist to check out my teeth due to i started to get headache as my toothpain getting worse...after checked....the dentist said tht my teeth cracked cant be filled back so she said i hv two options whether to extract it or make a root canal treatment a.k.a endodontist...i said ill go for treatment...then she put a temporary filling for my teeth until i hv the treatment.

the problem is...the treatment is super expensive! around rm600 ( as for my survey showed) but the pain is geting more n more worse....so i dont noe wut to do!!! its killing me!!! argrhhhh...

i googled it to found out about the treatment....PRETTY SCARED! n i dont think i can go through w it..( cabut gigi pon i takottttttt)

here is some info for those who feel the same thing as me.....

Root Canal Treatment

What is endodontic treatment?

“ Endo” is the Greek word for “inside” and “odont” is Greek for “tooth.” Endodontic treatment treats the inside of the tooth.

To understand endodontic treatment, it helps to know something about the anatomy of the tooth. Inside the tooth, under the white enamel and a hard layer called the dentin, is a soft tissue called the pulp. The pulp contains blood vessels, nerves, and connective tissue and creates the surrounding hard tissues of the tooth during development.

The pulp extends from the crown of the tooth to the tip of the roots where it connects to the tissues surrounding the root. The pulp is important during a tooth’s growth and development. However, once a tooth is fully mature it can survive without the pulp, because the tooth continues to be nourished by the tissues surrounding it.

Why would I need an endodontic procedure?
Endodontic treatment is necessary when the pulp, the soft tissue inside the root canal, becomes inflamed or infected. The inflammation or infection can have a variety of causes: deep decay, repeated dental procedures on the tooth, or a crack or chip in the tooth. In addition, an injury to a tooth may cause pulp damage even if the tooth has no visible chips or cracks. If pulp inflammation or infection is left untreated, it can cause pain or lead to an abscess.

What are the signs of needing endodontic treatment?
Signs to look for include pain, prolonged sensitivity to heat or cold, tenderness to touch and chewing, discoloration of the tooth, and swelling, drainage and tenderness in the lymph nodes as well as nearby bone and gingival tissues. Sometimes, however, there are no symptoms.

How does endodontic treatment save the tooth?
The endodontist removes the inflamed or infected pulp, carefully cleans and shapes the inside of the canal, a channel inside the root, then fills and seals the space. Afterwards, you will return to your dentist, who will place a crown or other restoration on the tooth to protect and restore it to full function. After restoration, the tooth continues to function like any other tooth.

Will I feel pain during or after the procedure?
Many endodontic procedures are performed to relieve the pain of toothaches caused by pulp inflammation or infection. With modern techniques and anesthetics, most patients report that they are comfortable during the procedure.

For the first few days after treatment, your tooth may feel sensitive, especially if there was pain or infection before the procedure. This discomfort can be relieved with over-the-counter or prescription medications. Follow your endodontist’s instructions carefully.
Your tooth may continue to feel slightly different from your other teeth for some time after your endodontic treatment is completed. However, if you have severe pain or pressure or pain that lasts more than a few days, call your endodontist.

Endodontic Procedure

Endodontic treatment can often be performed in one or two visits and involves the following steps:

1. The endodontist examines and x-rays the tooth, then administers local anesthetic. After the tooth is numb, the endodontist places a small protective sheet called a “dental dam” over the area to isolate the tooth and keep it clean and free of saliva during the procedure.

2. The endodontist makes an opening in the crown of the tooth. Very small instruments are used to clean the pulp from the pulp chamber and root canals and to shape the space for filling.

3. After the space is cleaned and shaped, the endodontist fills the root canals with a biocompatible material, usually a rubber-like material called “gutta-percha.” The gutta-percha is placed with an adhesive cement to ensure complete sealing of the root canals. In most cases, a temporary filling is placed to close the opening. The temporary filling will be removed by your dentist before the tooth is restored.

4. After the final visit with your endodontist, you must return to your dentist to have a crown or other restoration placed on the tooth to protect and restore it to full function.

If the tooth lacks sufficient structure to hold the restoration in place, your dentist or endodontist may place a post inside the tooth. Ask your dentist or endodontist for more details about the specific restoration planned for your tooth.

How much will the procedure cost?

The cost varies depending on how complex the problem is and which tooth is affected. Molars are more difficult to treat, the fee is usually more. Most dental insurance policies provide some coverage for endodontic treatment.

Generally, endodontic treatment and restoration of the natural tooth are less expensive than the alternative of having the tooth extracted. An extracted tooth must be replaced with a bridge or implant to restore chewing function and prevent adjacent teeth from shifting. These procedures tend to cost more than endodontic treatment and appropriate restoration. With root canal treatment you save your natural teeth and money.

Will the tooth need any special care or additional treatment after endodontic treatment?
You should not chew or bite on the treated tooth until you have had it restored by your dentist. The unrestored tooth is susceptible to fracture, so you should see your dentist for a full restoration as soon as possible. Otherwise, you need only practice good oral hygiene, including brushing, flossing, and regular checkups and cleanings.

Most endodontically treated teeth last as long as other natural teeth. In a few cases, a tooth that has undergone endodontic treatment does not heal or the pain continues. Occasionally, the tooth may become painful or diseased months or even years after successful treatment. Often when this occurs, redoing the endodontic procedure can save the tooth.

What causes an endodontically treated tooth to need additional treatment?
New trauma, deep decay, or a loose, cracked or broken filling can cause new infection in your tooth. In some cases, the endodontist may discover additional very narrow or curved canals that could not be treated during the initial procedure.

Can all teeth be treated endodontically?
Most teeth can be treated. Occasionally, a tooth can’t be saved because the root canals are not accessible, the root is severely fractured, the tooth doesn’t have adequate bone support, or the tooth cannot be restored. However, advances in endodontics are making it possible to save teeth that even a few years ago would have been lost. When endodontic treatment is not effective, endodontic surgery may be able to save the tooth.

Your Natural Teeth
Saving your natural tooth should always be your first choice when dental care is needed. Nothing, not even the most advanced bridges and implants, can truly replace your natural tooth.

• If your dentist recommends extracting your tooth, ask if it can be saved with an endodontic procedure, also known as root canal treatment. Endodontic treatment removes the injured pulp (soft inner tissue) of your tooth and fills and seals the space. Your tooth is then restored and can function just like any other tooth for the rest of your life, ensuring comfortable chewing and a natural appearance.
• Although some general dentists perform root canal procedures, many refer their patients to endodontists. Endodontists are specialists who have two to three years’ additional training after dental school and limit their practices to endodontic procedures. They can often save the most severely injured teeth.
• If your tooth cannot be saved — and some cannot — you may consider replacements such as a bridge or dental implant. Your options may depend upon the condition of surrounding teeth and bone structure.
  

Myths About Root Canals

There are many misconceptions surrounding root canal (endodontic) treatment. The American Association of Endodontists wants you to have accurate information. As always, when considering any medical procedure, you should get as much information as you can about all of your options. Your dentist or endodontist can answer many of your questions, and if you still have concerns, it is often wise to seek a second opinion.

---

Myth 1—Root canal treatment is painful.

Truth—Root canal treatment doesn't cause pain, it relieves it.
Most patients see their dentist or endodontist when they have a severe toothache. The toothache can be caused by damaged tissues in the tooth. Root canal treatment removes this damaged tissue from the tooth, thereby relieving the pain you feel. (For more about root canal procedures, see Your Guide to Root Canal Treatment.)

The perception of root canals being painful began decades ago when root canal treatment was painful. But with the latest technologies and anesthetics, root canal treatment today is no more uncomfortable than having a filling placed. In fact, a recent survey showed that patients who have experienced root canal treatment are six times more likely to describe it as "painless" than patients who have not had root canal treatment.

Myth 2—A good alternative to root canal treatment is extraction (pulling the tooth).

Truth—Saving your natural teeth, if possible, is the very best option.
Nothing can completely replace your natural tooth. An artificial tooth can sometimes cause you to avoid certain foods. Keeping your own teeth is important so that you can continue to enjoy the wide variety of foods necessary to maintain the proper nutrient balance in your diet.

Endodontic treatment, along with appropriate restoration, is a cost-effective way to treat teeth with damaged pulp and is usually less expensive than extraction and placement of a bridge or an implant.

Endodontic treatment also has a very high success rate. Many root canal treated teeth last a lifetime.
Millions of healthy endodontically treated teeth serve patients all over the world, years and years after treatment. Those healthy teeth are helping patients chew efficiently, maintain the natural appearance of their smiles and enhance their enjoyment of life. Through endodontic treatment, endodontists and dentists worldwide enable patients to keep their natural teeth for a lifetime.

NOTED : so what shuld i do? hmmmm........i still survey for the cost now....n have meet some dentists (govt)...they shall called me for nex appointment....

CONCLUSION : always ensure ur teeth checked at least once a year!

FRIEND vs STALKER!

guess wut? m having a nightmare! i dont noe wut u guys do if u had ur own admirers...i mean...psycho one!they follow you wherever you go or in other words.. STALKER!!check ur pictures, find out wut u do everyday, follow u and show up wherever u are, send unwanted emails or gifts....thts such an annoying...!! and i dont noe how to handle this....i mean..if i ignore them i might hurt their feeling and i may put things into trouble..wut if they act aggresively? threaten to hurt me or my family or my frens...thts wut i mean..sometimes i cant even breathe! not tht i mean m hot! but thts wut happen to me now! i need help! plus...i think it is not right to tell the whole story here...but i need to unblock wut is hidden in my mind!

i noe if they are malays it would be no problem coz we noe our culture very well....plus malays are more likely to hide their feelings if they like someone...but stalker tht m talking rite now are not malays....n absolutely not malaysian!


i told one of my fren about this and she keeps saying tht it is my fault cos m the one who intrested to noe them...Yes i am...but to be honest i just wanted to be fren...not more than that...plus is not wrong to build a relationship in respect to friendship is it? and is not wrong if u intend to build a bridge between you n them for the sake of Allah....change opinion and all things...right? so she cant simply put all the blame on me alone! maybe she dont understand...but i appreciated tht...n take her saying as an advice....


so this guy keep pushing me to give him an answer..." fren or bf?" and when i said " we just fren" he accused me of his heart broken..is tht my fault? i dont noe how to handle this....plus i do really like him as a fren cos he has help me a lot...n i dont wanna lose this friendship because of his stupid feeling towards me!

i need a DOCTOR!!!!

PhD~ 1 year to go

" the end justifies the means"

y i feel so stress rite now?

more stress when it comes to work

even more n more stress w my own lifesytle ( bad habit)

time running so fast?

me...nothing more...not even make a single movement...both work n study....no progress

addicted to painkiller now...drugs seems so easy to get into my body....HEADACHE!

too much for me...too much!

STRONG? wut else can people say? be strong be strong...put ur ownself in my shoes then say it out loud! would you be strong?

i dont need people to say it to me! BE STRONG!

m getting tired to take care of other people's heart...did they do the same to me? NO?

starting frm now on m gonna take care of myself not others! tired already!

hv faith! i noe...the only way to be in peace....the only way out of my problem...hv faith....be silent...be still....n lastly...after gone tru all these....then BE STRONG....tht's the rite way i guess!

remember my mother said " wutever people said do cares...bc they are ur strenghts and weaknesess" but not being too much sensitive"

This is for the sake of Allah....remember that! burried tht in ur heart...deep inside


get my head straight! got 1 year more..still wanna hv PhD....probably in UK...i will...insyaAllah....working on my thesis now.....lots lots of stress....but it is interesting particularly after wut u've done...ur work is appreciated...so much interesting and kinda like it....


so now people get bz w their marriage .... make me think "WHY MARRIAGE SO SOON"? yeah maybe bc they hv their MR RIGHT so y waiting? hmmm maybe.....but me think theres a lot more to achieve in this life.....not tht i mean we cant achieve those things in life after marriage...but y dont we get wut we want 1st then after tht we get married?rite? the rite thing to do.....i saw my fren so excited w her married....still dont understand y.....plus abondon me for tht reason...hmm nvm....life is life....frens come n go.....got frens when we sitting together no other things to discuss except married...boring...like the world will ended soon.... y so excited?


got fren also after married her husband do not allowed her to do anything either work or study....is married will turn man into a king? thts BS! see wut i mean? before married n after married...think about it especially when looking for MR RIGHT....


wutever it is...ill pray for them....


my turn will come...isyaAllah...but if it come now...i 'd rather so NO than YES....m not ready mentally...Allah knows better =)


i wanna get my PhD....m aiming to get it before m turning 30....thts mean i got 6 yrs from now....will finish my master nex yrs so got 5 yrs more....then will work for 2 yrs more after tht hv my PhD...if Allah hv someone fr me in between....i'll accept it....He knows better...=)


WORK HARD!


family? got no problem w tht...they support me wutver happen! =) LOVE them


so y bother? seems everything perfect except financial matter...but doesnt mean i hv to quit! move forward!


forget about LOVE


forget about him


get new one


tht u most deserve


he is not for u


u deserve better!



* like it ....my fren said to me " u would not find a diamond if u r too much fcus on rock" ...he noe tht i deserve better....! i will J...insyaAllah n thank you for everything.....if Allah want us to be togther ... it is a destiny...

END~

Aku Belum Puas~

sedih

marah

sakit hati

excited

happy

takut

suma ada....bercampur

confused

bila akan berakhir?

bahagia pasti akan datang bertandang

PASTI!!

aku hanya mampu menunggu

menuggu diiringi doa

bahagia pasti akan mencari aku

PASTI!

BELUM PUASKAH AK?

belum....ak belum puas....perjalanan ak masih jauh

aku perlu kuat

perlu tabah

FRIENDSHIP~

it is true than men are social animal by nature.. man cannot live without his fellow man....man need each other to rely on....

Prophet Mohammad (pbuh) stated, "The believer is like a mirror to other believers (in truthfulness)." Like a mirror, your friend gives you an honest image. He forgives your mistakes, but does not hide or exaggerate your strengths and weaknesses".

Two friends were traveling together, when a Bear suddenly met them on their path. One of them climbed up quickly into a tree and concealed himself in the branches. The other, seeing that he must be attacked, fell flat on the ground, and when the Bear came up and felt him with his snout, and smelt him all over, he held his breath, and feigned the appearance of death as much as he could. The Bear soon left him, for it is said he will not touch a dead body. When the Bear was quite gone, the other friend descended from the tree, and jokingly inquired of his friend what it was the Bear had whispered in his ear. "He gave me this advice," his companion replied. "Never travel with a friend who deserts you at the approach of danger."

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

This is the story that tells about friendship

One day, two friends were walking through the desert. During some point of the journey they had an argument, and one friend slapped the other one in the face.
The one who got slapped was hurt, but without saying anything, wrote in the sand:

TODAY MY BEST FRIEND SLAPPED ME IN THE FACE.

They kept on walking until they found an oasis, where they decided to take a bath. The one who had been slapped got stuck in the mire and started drowning, but the friend saved him. After he recovered from the near drowning, he wrote on a stone:

TODAY MY BEST FRIEND SAVED MY LIFE.

The friend who had slapped and saved his best friend asked him, "After I hurt you, you wrote in the sand and now, you write on a stone, why?" The other friend replied "When someone hurts us we should write it down in sand where winds of forgiveness can erase it away. But, when someone does something good for us, we must engrave it in stone where no wind can ever erase it."

LEARN TO WRITE YOUR HURTS IN THE SAND AND TO CARVE YOUR BENEFITS IN STONE.

p/s : "They say it takes a minute to find a special person, an hour to appreciate them, a day to love them, but then an entire life to forget them."

true friend stay when u need them to stay....that's what friend should do...to all my friends out there...thanks for being part of mine...hope that our friendship will last forever....i love u all...=)

~when a woman decides~

when i was a kid i always being inspired with Alice,the fairytale story that told us about imagination. nothing to worry...have joy...have fun....children!!!..they are free to do whatever they want...

life wasn't so easy as its always have different ways to be travel...there is not only one way that we should follow or take, but there are hundreds ways to be explore. i mean if we failed to find a way out in our journey, we can take another way to get there. no matter how long the journey takes, as long as we can reach there it doesnt matter at all....

WORK....it is a new challenge for me and STUDY is an interesting part to be enjoy and both are part of my life. so, even it is hard to go through both study and work but smehow it teaches me the real meaning of life, and i grow up to be more matured. My father always said " life is not that easy as what you think" life is complicated if you cant or failed to manage it". now i noe the meaning of LIFE and what my father always mention is true!

apart from that, i think whats matter is not only how to manage life.... but whats matter is what life is all about, what are the values that should we uphold to....that's what matters to me....Questioned about why we live and why we are here is that most important....coz it is interconnected wth each other and at the end of our journey, it bring us to the realistic overview of what life is all about.......and make us realize that we live with the same purpose....and that's the value.....the ultimate goal of our life......................... submitting ourself to the Oneness of God....

no matter how hard my life is....i have to go trough it..i dont want to be grounded with my own perception of what life is....i want to live freely....unbound with any rules that people created over me!!!!m not a robot that people can switch on the power to follow everything that they ask!!!.....not 'they' that draw my future it is me that can draw my own.....

" it is the only beginning"......i have to move....step by step....until i reach there......reach the star that i always want.....=)

"COURAGE" that's what i need.....my family always there to support me!!

first and foremost...I HAVE TO COMPLETE MY MASTER!!!.....then continue with my PhD...ill take any risk that come....may ALLAH bless me...InsyaAllah......

p/s sometimes motivating our own self is better than seeking other's advice! =)

~heart to heart~

m standing at the window looking at the drops of rain while thinking about what i had done.....my mood was blissful....still thinking.....i decided to forget it completely...and i dont want to remember it anymore...it's hurt....

his face suddenly appeared on my mind....his smile....his curly hair ... i still remember that smell....his dimple...everything! its clear! his image appeared and seems cannot be erased! my mind out of control....what should i do??? m nearly pain.....i cant deny! i need him....yes i am!!!

i had to keep reminding myself whenever i miss him...that i had made my choice....and i wasnt going back to where it takes.....i told myself again and again...i would just hold on to the faith...taking every pain that comes....is there any other choice? DO I REALLY HAVE TO CUT HIM OUT OF MY LIFE????

.......to stop thinking about him is impossible for me..m afraid that ill forget him!....what he is doing right now?how is his life going without me???...m wondering....remembering every single memory with him...my tears drop unnoticed....

it's always happen after i wake up..........he is smiling at me...calling me towards him....I MISS HIM!!!! MISS HIM A LOT!!! its hurt...please dont hurt me!! i start to cry again..i never stop crying since the day he left....each time i opened my eyes to the morning light...it is him that i saw....my life seems so empty wihout him....and its make me realize that i really really love him!

..........books seems to b my friends...accompanied me whenever i feel alone....my breath seems tp pause everi time i heard someone calling his name L----- H----...................

HE LEFT ME!!!....should i wait for him??or should i go??its really hurt...is it LOVE is to hurt?

~Nota Hati~

KENAPA????

" kenapa singgah??lama singgah...3 tahun!!!"
" habis kenapa pergi??sebab saya ni tempat singgah je ke?"
" kenapa diam??jawablah!!!"
" kenapa perlukan saya??masa dulu tak fikir ke??"
" saya bukan tempat rujukan...bukan tempat permainan...bukan juga tempat persinggahan...saya manusia!!!!...saya ada hati!!!saya ada perasaan!!!saya juga menangis!!saya juga sakit!!!"
" kenapa hadir kalau sekadar jenguk?"
" xpayah hadir pon xpe...."
" kalau pergi jangan kembali...."
" sebab saya sudah lupakan semua"

~Nota Hati~

" haramkah bagi aku untuk terus menanti dirinya?"
" haruskah aku melupakanya?"
" semakin aku melupakanya...semakin pedih hati ini"
" aku xmampu "
" aku tewas "
" sedangkan dirinya sedang bahagia..."
" apakah yang harus aku lakukan?"
" perih!!...pedih!!...sangat pedih!! "
" aku kalah!!!"
" hatiku menjerit tatkala melihatnya "
" dia bahagia "
" tapi aku??".............

~Nota Hati~

“ kenapa nk rasa takut??benda yang kita suruh takut xmaw takut…benda yang xsepatutnya kita takut p takut pulak….salah dah 2….mati 2 perlu takut…kalau takut mati bwat la benda2 yang Allah suruh…tinggalkan apa yang Allah larang….ayah sendiri pon bukan sempurna…manusia neh tak sempurna…terbuka untuk bwat salah….tp kalau guna akal…boleh pikiaq yang mana salah yang mana betul boleh elak dari buat salah….pikiaq laa.Allah dah ciptakan kita neh sebaik-baik kejadian…kita ada akal…gunalah….”

“ wani neh ayah tgk makin lama makin terok perangai….awat? mengaji tinggi2 sruh bwat mcm 2 ka?? Ingat kita duduk di dunia neh bukan lama…pinjaman ja…jd buatlah apa yang patut…guna akai….pikiaq…ayah neh ngaji xtinggi mcm cek…cek ngaji tinggi2 bimbinglah adek2…ayah pon dah tua…dah xlarat…ayah harap kt cek sorang ja….”

“…..biaq la apa orang nk kata….depa ada mulut….yg cek nk susah hati pasaipa??pasai mak 2 biaq p dulu…kta usaha sama2….nk buat mcm mn..Allah nk ujila 2..ayah xmau ckp byk…cek pikiaq la…renung2kan….”

......betapa besarnya harapan ayah terhadap aku...aku xbole mengalah sekarang...aku perlu kuat....walaupon byk dugaan datang...org kata bersusah-susah dahulu....akan senang kemudian..... aku perlu kuat!!!aku mesti kuat!!tp kuat mcm mn?

p/s : kuatkah aku??? to my henry : i really need u rite now!!!!!